Preoccupation

These days I feel distracted by anything. I wish a unicorn would pass in front of me so I’d have a good enough reason to feel this way.

Between travel, work, my parents’ impending move north (yes, you read that right), and a very ill little kitty whose time with me is the most limited it’s ever been, my focus is askew. The things I love the most have been scant – working out, yoga, writing, eating right – and as I feel myself falling further down the rabbit hole, I find it more difficult to scurry out. I’ve been making too many excuses for myself which is never a swell feeling. (“I’ll do this and that when the weather gets nicer.”)

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So, with some quiet time at home I’m slowly playing catch up and it feels good.

My weekend is planned out with my meals and workouts, and a little bit of fun thrown in for good measure. I have been waiting for months to see Ed Kowalczyk live (lead singer of the 90s/2000s band, Live) and I’m nervously excited for my first duathlon on Sunday. Have I trained? Eh, let’s not get into that. I’m going to take it one step and one pedal at a time.

When tumbling down the rabbit hole, it’s easy to lose sight of the importance of things and to accept that other things are simply out of your control. I can gain a grasp on my sub-par eating habits, but I can’t do anything more than I’m doing for my kitty as she declines from end stage kidney failure. This is hard to accept considering I have controlling tendencies. I’m working on that.

As I accept the things I cannot change and change the things I cannot accept, I sit here in a quiet home with tears behind my eyes refusing to let them well up and spill over in acceptance for the things I cannot change and an open and mindful heart to charge ahead and change the things I cannot accept these days. This is life and it’s beautiful, despite its complexities.

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